So , I've decided to leave. I really wanna make this clear to myself . You have moved on, and I'm still hanging on here, still living in the dreams that you've created for me. I will not put myself in the position where I even think of being with you anymore. You have left for me a clear answer that I can only accept. With this, I take on the last blessing you give me, and I promise you and myself to live my life well again. Thank you for being with me for the past two years.
how are you
couldnt get to sleep for anything last night. i dont know where this insomnia is coming from. im on a new med from my doctor for it.
why does it say "aaa" at the bottom of this thing? i hate hating that i am fat. but i do. im 5'4" and 177lbs. just over the border into obesity. im making this public because it feels better to think that someone might read it. even if no one does. otherwise i feel alone. lonely. which is a whole other issue. thats it for now. see ya.
well i havent wrote in here in like a centry...theres so much i gotta talk about...well u knoe that boy i talked about in al mi other entryss well thats was the love of mi life. and i got moved 4rm him :[
im in georgia now and it suxss i miss em soo much..well while i was here i fell 4 this boy chriis and he is so amazing after the hurting of moveing away 4rm walter and loosin em to this other gurl i thought id never love somebody again well i did i fell 4 chirss words dont even describe him he just wowed me the day i met him, so i me and walter had ended up becuming bestfriends again and we started tellin eah other bout erthing and i told em bout chris well i didnt kno hed take that as permission to get anew gurlfriend well he did and now hes wit sum gurh that i think he loves more then me and shes soo much prettier then me thats the sad partt.n me n em promised each other wed end up togehter and wat if he stays with her,,then i lost him :[ i hate the thought of that but i mean i kinda did it. so bak to chris in me we broke upp ok so i had got caught skippen skewl and i was gunna get in trouble so i asked chriz to leave skool wit me and walk me half way sumwhere and now we got in trouble 4 skippin and mi principle is tryin to get em 4 sagatory rape cuz hes 19 soo we had to break up to prevent it ..so here i am hurt and lonely again missen walter and chriss.i mean i realli think im hopeless with boysss. so i stoped worrien bout them now im just focusenen on skool and graduatingg.so georgia aint soo bad now that ive been here.besides that mi dads around godd i dont even wanan start that topic. so im not even gunna well mi hands hurtt lol so ima get offf here
i swear to god, one of these days i am going to punch my fucking parents in the face. i CAN'T STAND THEM! i slammed the door and said "i hate this family", and i haven't gone upstairs since, it's been about 2 hours. i'm sleeping in the basement tonight. god damn, i'm so fed up with their bullshit. everybody hates my dad, i just wish my parents would get a divorce so that i could just live with my mom. but atm, if i could, i would live with jordan, no lie. her rents would seriously take me in, but i love softball too much, and if i ditched, softball would be over for me. but i'm getting so close to just fucking leaving. i can't wait until i can drive and just go over to jordan's house when all this shit starts happening. i fucking hate my dad, and any of you who have met him know why. i swear, he just lives to see me suffer, and then when he says he loves me, i dont believe it. i dont think i have ever said to him that i love him. because i dont. i hate everything about him, how he facebook stalks me, how fucking ugly he is, how annoying he is, how fat he is, how much of an asshole he is. anybody who knows him understands me.
i wish he was dead.
I've slipped, and now Im fallin down a dark tunnel, the sight of light slowly dissapearing. Im drowning in the memories. They haunt me, in my sleep, and in my every other thought through out the day.
A day doesn't go by without thinking about him... But how could you not think about someone when you see them everyday, not because you want to, or because you have to. But because their just there.
Until this year, when I could no longer pretend he never existed. I had locked my heart away and carefully stitched myself back together. And now that he's back, everything I came near to forgetting is flooding back. All those summer days at the pool, and in the woods...
Im loosing it peace by peace, I keep telling myself Im going to forget. I know some of my friends wonder why I do some of the things I do... I do them so that I can distract myself. Its like morphine, but the pain is so great that it only numbs. Because pain can only gone for so long..... expecially when theres soo much of it..
- Sportygirl15
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